But I sure do try.
Motherhood has a funny way of making you feel like the strongest person in the world... and the weakest. All at the same time.
The other day, Motherhood through me a rough play. And what did I do? I ran from it. Then I ran back to it. And past it. And kept on running. But then I stopped, turned, and walked back.
For those of you that might be confused, let me clarify. When Peden came home, I had had enough. I was frustrated, angry, and almost to tears. SO, like the God-sent gift that he is, he took our beautiful, but stubbornly screaming daughter and let me go for a run. On the positive side, I ran the fast mile I have run in a year. On the negative, I didn't find what I was looking for. I didn't even know WHAT I was looking for.
But when I finally found myself back in my own driveway, I slowly walked back to the back yard. I sat on the back porch and stared at our vegetable garden, filled with God's amazing and (potentially) delicious creations. I watched a mother mockingbird bring food to her baby. (Yeah totally not making that up.) I came through the back door and stepped over the laundry I haven't finished. Past the dirty dishes, through the nursery, where blankets and books are scattered. Past our bed, stripped of sheets and covered with yet more laundry. After I made my way into the shower, as I scrubbed the frustration and the frown lines off of my face (I wish), I figured it out.
I didn't need to run. Leaving wasn't what made me feel better. Coming back was what I needed. I needed it to be new again. Even if for just a second. Not perfect. Just new. Sort of.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
And when you've run away, come back and do it again.